Amanda | 40 & Zero F’s is a writer, a working mum, and newly arrived in midlife with a perspective that feels like a breath of fresh air. When she turned 40 last year, she started her newsletter 40 and Giving Zero F’s not as a joke, but as a philosophy: midlife as a beginning, not an ending. In this conversation, Amanda talks about the surprise of feeling more confident, sexy, and playful than ever, how self-trust changes how you show up, and the tension many of us carry quietly: loving your life yet still wanting more from it. Not because you’re ungrateful, but because you’re awake.
Who are you, and what season of midlife are you in right now?
I’m Amanda. I’m a writer and a working mom, and I’ve just stepped into midlife. I expected it to feel like an ending, but it’s turned out to be my best chapter yet, by far. When I turned 40 last year, I started my newsletter, 40 and Giving Zero F’s, as a way to explore midlife as a beginning: a season of trusting yourself, letting go of permission-seeking, and choosing yourself with intention.
What surprised you most about midlife or menopause?
What surprised me most is how confident, sexy, and playful I feel in midlife. Yes, I have a few more wrinkles, and my metabolism isn’t what it used to be, but I also think I look damn good! I’ve never felt more comfortable in my body or more at ease owning it, and that combination has been incredibly freeing. It’s changed how I show up: in my life, in my relationships, and in how much fun I’m willing to have.
What’s been the hardest part that people don’t talk about?
Maybe this tension shows up earlier for some women, but midlife is when it hit me hard: I love my life, but I still want more from it. I want to keep peeking around corners, stretching past what feels safe, pushing boundaries, and yes, surprising people who thought they knew exactly who I was.
What has helped you most (a habit, a mindset shift, support, HRT or no HRT, community)?
Leaning into what I’ve started calling “Zero F’s Energy” has helped me the most. There’s a powerful shift in perspective when you realise you may, or may not, be halfway through your life. The things that once consumed my energy just don’t carry the same weight anymore. I worry less about being liked, stop over-explaining myself, and make decisions based on what actually feels aligned. It’s not indifference, it’s discernment, and it’s been one of the most grounding parts of midlife for me.
What are you unlearning?
I’m unlearning the expectation that midlife is when women are meant to fade into the background. I don’t feel like fading, I feel like stepping forward. If anything, I feel more myself than ever. I want to take up space in my work, my writing, and my life, and keep stretching into whatever feels just a little bit scary.
What do you wish you could tell your 35-year-old self?
I would tell her not to worry so much about running out of time. I had my two daughters at 30 and 34, so my thirties were spent deep in the intensity of parenting while also trying to stay ahead in my career, all with the looming spectre of the “big bad 40s” hanging over me. I’d tell 35-year-old Amanda to take a breath, to trust that nothing is slipping away, and that the life she’s worried about missing is actually waiting for her.
What do you want other women to know they’re not alone in?
They’re not alone in realising that the rules they followed so carefully don’t quite fit anymore. That it’s okay to question them.
You don’t have to blow up your life to change it. But you also don’t have to keep shrinking, smoothing, or squeezing yourself into something that feels wrong now. Midlife is allowed to be the season where you say, “This is no longer serving me.”
What’s one small ritual or practice that’s keeping you steady in your daily life?
I don’t do it every day, but a few times a week: I’ve started taking evening showers and bubble baths by candlelight. It’s the perfect way to unwind. It feels romantic and indulgent, like a gentle way of choosing myself at the end of the day. Nothing performative, nothing productive, just a small, intentional pause that brings me back to myself.
What I loved most about Amanda’s answers is how she reframes the whole midlife story. She’s not here to fade gracefully. She’s here to step forward honestly. She names that delicious shift that happens when you stop living for other people’s comfort and start living from your own alignment. Her Zero F’s Energy isn’t indifference; it’s discernment, and it’s the kind of discernment that gives you your life back. If you’ve been feeling the old rules stop fitting, let this be your permission: you don’t have to blow everything up to change it, but you also don’t have to keep shrinking to stay acceptable. And her candlelit baths and evening showers are the perfect reminder that choosing yourself doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like a small, romantic pause at the end of the day where you come back to your own body, your own nervous system, your own life and remember: I’m allowed to be here, and I’m allowed to want more.
If you’d like to be part of the ‘5 Minutes With…’ series, or you know a woman whose voice would feel like medicine here, email me at hello@kiransinghuk.com. And if you’re reading this thinking, same, tell me in the comments: what are you unlearning in midlife?
There’s a quiet confidence that comes when desire is no longer negotiated.
This is so empowering for any woman in the middle! Well done both of you my friends 💕👏🏼💕