Simon Salt is the kind of man midlife needs more of: thoughtful, honest, and quietly brave. A British expat living in Texas, Simon is a writer, freelance commercial photographer, and yoga teacher, and he’s in what he describes as a season of enlightenment, shedding old identities and softening his grip on what he once chased.
In this ‘5-minutes with…’ conversation, he speaks candidly about the relief of no longer needing to perform as a man, the fear that men rarely admit out loud, and the surprising shift that happened when his wife entered perimenopause and he realised fixing wasn’t the point. What emerges is a gentler, stronger masculinity: one rooted in presence, patience, and the willingness to learn.
Who are you, and what season of midlife are you in right now (work, health, family, identity)?
I’m Simon, and I am British. I emigrated to the US 24 years ago and now live in Texas. I’m a writer, freelance commercial photographer, and yoga teacher.
I would describe my season as one of enlightenment, a shedding of old ideas and identities. I find myself softening my grip. Grasping for things I might have wanted less, and spending more time celebrating what I already have. I’m fortunate to have good health (touch wood). I have two daughters of whom I am fiercely proud. I am married to an amazing woman, who encourages me in my creative endeavours and whom I walk alongside as we travel through and learn about midlife.
What surprised you most about getting older and being a man in midlife?
The lack of a need to “perform” as a man. I grew up doing very masculine things. I was a Boy Scout, I served in the military, I worked for Greenpeace UK and took part in non-violent direct actions, and, after moving to the US, I was a volunteer firefighter. All these things had one thing in common: adrenaline. That fueled a need to prove my worth as a man. I no longer have that need. I am more comfortable in my own skin. I know my worth; I no longer strive to earn it.
What’s been the hardest part that men rarely say out loud?
Fear. No one wants to admit that recovery from a workout takes a little longer, that you aren’t as fast as you once were, or that sometimes technology moves too fast for you to keep up with. Fear that you don’t quite recognise the face staring back at you in the mirror. Fear that you are no longer enough. (Plot twist: You are!).
What has helped you most (a habit, a mindset shift, support, therapy, community, lifestyle changes, medication if relevant)?
The biggest mindset change was embracing my feminine energy, the Yin to my male Yang. To see it, not as a weakness, but as a different kind of strength.
Yoga keeps both my body and my mind supple. Mediation keeps me grounded. As a yoga teacher, I constantly learn about and from those taking my classes. As a yoga student, I constantly learn about my own body and mind.
As I’ve moved into midlife, I’ve realised I need fewer things. I’m fortunate enough to have travelled extensively around the world and have been influenced by other cultures. Now is the time to use those influences and truly experience the things that surround me. To take more joy in them.
What are you unlearning about masculinity, success, or what it means to be a good man?
The biggest shift in my perception of masculinity for me was when my wife entered perimenopause. As a man who saw his role as fixing things, I was lost. Clearly, she wasn’t broken. If I couldn’t fix this, what was my role? This challenged my perception of what it meant to be a man.
She didn’t understand the changes in her body, and I didn’t understand why she didn’t.
We spent the first 6 years experiencing a lot of turmoil in our relationship. As she started to discover more about perimenopause and make health decisions that were right for her, our relationship steadied.
I just wish resources had existed so I could educate myself. So she didn’t have the additional load of having to explain things to me. It’s why I write my Substack, for the me of 10 yrs ago and for the men who find themselves in the same confusing world.
As for being a good man, I will leave that to others to decide. It is a question that I hope people will have an answer to when, at the end, I ask, “Am I A Good Man?”
What do you wish you could tell your 35-year-old self?
Slow down. You don’t have to do it all at once. In my mid to late 30’s, I had a corporate job, I travelled extensively, and eventually left my home in Britain and moved to the US, without knowing anyone. I don’t regret that decision, but if I were doing it again, I would have spent more time considering the impact it would have on others in my life at the time.
What do you want other men to know they’re not alone in?
Not understanding what is happening to their partners in perimenopause. The woman they once knew is being shed like a coat. Revealing something new and wonderful. Accepting that takes patience and understanding. Having neither is where most men find themselves.
What’s one small ritual or practice that’s keeping you steady day to day?
I read every day, both nonfiction and fiction. Nonfiction in the day to exercise my mind. Fiction at night, before bed, to unwind from the day. I meditate daily to reflect on and take in what is happening around me.
What stayed with me most is how Simon names the quiet turning points: the moment you stop striving for worth and start living from it, the moment you realise you can’t fix your partner’s transition but you can choose to walk alongside her, and the moment you understand that softness isn’t the opposite of strength, it’s a different kind of it. If you’re a man in midlife, or you love one, I hope this conversation feels like a breath. And if you want to read more from Simon, you can find his writing at The Quiet Transition.
If you’d like to be part of the ‘5 Minutes With…’ series, or you know a woman whose voice would feel like medicine here, email me at hello@kiransinghuk.com. And if you’re reading this thinking, same, tell me in the comments: what are you unlearning in midlife?
Very interesting to learn a man’s perspective, and especially to hear that embracing his feminine energy helped him. ✨I have been relearning to connect to my feminine side in these last years as a woman and this caught my eye. Thank you for sharing your story Simon!✨
What great questions! I am grateful to find out a bit more about the man behind the words. We subscribe to each other. I appreciate his quiet, non preachy honesty.