Vanessa Novissimo Wright is 51, post-menopausal, and in what she beautifully calls a season of becoming and unbecoming. A writer, creative communications strategist, and certified life coach, she has spent the past two years navigating career shifts, launching young adult children, and recommitting to her own creative life. But even with years of writing and speaking about perimenopause behind her, she found herself white-knuckling her own transition. In this conversation, Vanessa shares what it was like to cross the Menopause Bridge, the quiet loneliness she didn’t expect, and how strength training, haiku, HRT, and a daily devotion to joy slowly brought her back to herself.
Who are you, and what season of midlife are you in right now?
Hi there! I’m Vanessa, a 51-year-old post-menopausal writer, creative communications strategist, and certified life coach. I’m in a season of becoming and unbecoming, and I have been for the last two years. Between career shifts, launching young adult children into the world, and committing to my own creative practices, I’m gently figuring out what’s next.
What surprised you most about midlife or menopause?
I white-knuckled my way through menopause two summers ago. It felt like I was physically, mentally, and emotionally breaking down. I’d been writing and speaking about perimenopause for years, but I still wasn’t fully prepared for my own journey. It took me time to process once I crossed the Menopause Bridge (one year without a cycle). For me, midlife has been lots of questioning, coming home to myself, growing more confident, and cultivating daily joy.
What’s been the hardest part that people don’t talk about?
Ooh, good question. I think it, for me, it was the loneliness. Even though I have wonderful friends, I was the only one going through menopause. While I could freely share my ups and downs with them, I still felt withdrawn. I felt like I had to put on a mask to get through my days, battling the brain fog, insomnia, the hot flashes, and more.
What has helped you most (a habit, a mindset shift, support, HRT or no HRT, community)?
I made sure to keep writing, and since I couldn’t focus for long periods of time, I wrote haiku. I started calling them Menopause in Three Lines. I now have a huge collection of them! In February 2024, I decided to start strength training and joined Fitness With PJ’s Over Fifty Fitness program, and it changed my life! I committed to my physical health and slowly started to feel the difference. Lastly, a year post-menopause, I finally reached out to a local peri/menopause provider. Within a few weeks of being on HRT, my entire life changed. I slowly started feeling human again. Workouts became easier, my mood improved, the brain fog and hot flashes disappeared, and the joint pain lessened.
What are you unlearning?
So many things! Haha! I’m definitely unlearning the people-pleasing tendencies I’ve had my whole life. It’s not a linear path! I know many midlife women feel the same. Decades of saying, “YES!” to things and people left me worn down.
What do you wish you could tell your 35-year-old self?
I’d tell her to put her health first, to manage her stress better, to ask for help, AND TO TAKE IT. I’d tell her there’s no first prize for most-exhausted or perfect mother. I’d tell her to pull out her journals and start writing sooner.
What do you want other women to know they’re not alone in?
One thing I want them to know is that midlife and menopause are unique and powerful portals to a creative and beautiful version of yourself. Lean into the changes, lean into the unravelling. Stay curious. Stay connected to yourself, to your friends, to your creativity, and to your joy.
What’s one small ritual or practice that’s keeping you steady in your daily life?
I’ve been keeping a joy journal since 2021. Every night, I write down at least three things that brought me JOY! Even on the hardest days, I do this. I love looking back at my entries. Joy begets joy.
What lingers after reading Vanessa’s words is the permission to see midlife not as a breakdown, but as a portal. Yes, there was brain fog and insomnia. Yes, there was loneliness and questioning. But there was also poetry written in three lines, weights lifted in quiet determination, and a woman who refused to abandon her creativity even when her energy was low. Her joy journal practice feels like a gentle rebellion against the narrative that midlife is decline. Joy begets joy, she says, and you can feel that truth in her story. If you’re in the thick of your own unravelling, may this conversation remind you that something beautiful is also being woven underneath it.
If you’d like to be part of the ‘5 Minutes With…’ series, or you know a woman whose voice would feel like medicine here, email me at hello@kiransinghuk.com. And if you’re reading this thinking, same, tell me in the comments: what are you unlearning in midlife?
Yay!
You are awesome beautiful mama! Thank you for sharing your heart. You are so kind, funny and what you share is so relatable. Love you!!!💜