Some answers are quietly devastating in the best possible way.
Alicia Brown’s answers were like that.
Healthcare administrator, nursing professional, single mother, second-chance wife, and a woman who has spent decades showing up for everyone around her before she finally, finally, gave herself permission to show up for herself. Her answer to ”At 50+, I am…” is just two words. “Enough. Phew. Finally.” And I had to put my phone down for a moment after I read it.
Because that word, enough, is the one so many of us spend a lifetime reaching for. Not more. Not better. Not fixed. Just enough, exactly as we are.
What struck me most about Alicia is the honesty about what didn’t disappear. She’s fifty-seven and still working through self-doubts she’s carried since she was thirteen. And rather than framing that as failure, she holds it with such maturity. Still a work in progress. Still moving forward. Still showing up. That, she has decided, is enough.
There is also something deeply moving about her relationship with kindness. In a world that tells women to match energy, to protect themselves by becoming harder, Alicia has quietly chosen something different. Not a doormat. Not naive. But genuinely unwilling to let someone else’s ugliness change who she is when she walks out into the world each morning.
That takes a particular kind of strength. The kind that doesn’t announce itself.
I wanted her voice in this series because she represents something I think many women recognise: the woman who spent years in pure survival mode, just getting through the day, and who is now, slowly and deliberately, choosing her future. Not someone else’s. Her own.
Who are you, and what season of life are you in?
Hello, my name is Alicia Brown. I’m currently in a bit of a Fall-Winter Season, harvesting the rewards after working so hard, enjoying opportunities for reflection, and finally, gratefully, letting go of things I should have long ago. I’m looking forward to embracing my winter season and discovering even more about myself.
What surprised you most about your 50s?
Two things surprise me most; one is that I’m still struggling with some of the same self-doubts and self-criticisms I’ve been fighting since I was 13. When you think you’ve moved past something, you learn it can still be lingering in the background. Doing much better, but still a work in progress. The second thing is, you need to be able to find a way to embrace ageing, more specifically, being able to accept that gravity isn’t your friend. Almost overnight, things like your hair and skin change.
One thing you’ve stopped doing (and you’re better for it):
Taking things personally. Often, others are just projecting. Their actions usually don’t have anything to do with you; they are battling something internally. Get to really know yourself, so you understand the woman you are, and when others act with (or without) intent to hurt you, you realise there’s no substance to what they are saying. The weight that takes off your shoulders is incredible.
One thing you’re choosing instead:
My future. I always chose my present, or someone else’s present, or the future. In a past marriage, I just focused on getting through the “now” - as a single mom, just focused on my daughter’s needs, my work, getting through the day... now, in a wonderful marriage for 23 years, I have the support and confidence I need to focus on more than “survival.” As a result, I allowed myself to find the right career with amazing people... one that challenges me, fulfils me, and recognises my efforts. As a woman with over 25 years in healthcare administration and 10+ years in nursing, I’m incredibly grateful to have found an Executive Team that recognises my contributions. It’s an incredible feeling.
One boundary you now honour, no apology:
That’s a tough one — boundaries, YES! No apologies? At 57, I’m still working on that one. I don’t cave to dominant personalities or accept disrespectful communication as I once did. I think it’s important for women, of any age, to expect respect. Whether it is in the workplace, with loved ones, family, friends, or random interactions with someone in public. We expect people to treat our friends and family a certain way, but we often don’t stand up for ourselves.
One micro-decision that changed everything:
A quote I heard: “Courage does not always roar; sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.” I thought I always needed to charge towards everything; anything less was weakness. Sometimes, just gathering your strength to get up the next day and try again is incredibly courageous. We’ve all seen it... Someone who has been through it, but they dig deep, they find it, and they try again. I decided that just continuing to move forward daily was a win; I didn’t need to conquer everything all the time... sometimes showing up is enough.
One practice that keeps you steady:
Kindness. It sounds simple. I think, as women, we’ve all been given advice to treat others the way they treat us if we’ve been wronged. I don’t subscribe to that. I am not that person. I’m not going to let someone else’s shortcomings change the way I go out into the world each day. If someone wants to be ugly, that’s on them. I won’t be ugly back... Finding that balance so you aren’t a doormat, but you don’t allow others to turn you into something you aren’t, contributes to my own peace.
One belief about midlife you no longer subscribe to:
That we should be in certain places in our lives at certain ages. That’s counterproductive because things just don’t happen that way. Friends may be grandparents by now or retiring, etc. Comparison is the thief of joy. Find comfort in your season. Learn the lessons that come with it. Set goals for the next season.
The best thing about being in your 50s:
Hindsight is a valuable teacher. Take heart about what others say, that it is about progress, not perfection. I’ve had difficult relationships, financial hardships, and rough patches with my daughters. So many lessons. I know myself so much better at 57, things I didn’t know about myself at 30, 35, 40. Having that hindsight and knowing what you are capable of is empowering.
Complete this: At 50+, I am…
Enough. (Phew. Finally.)
This week, I want women turning 50 to remember:
How much value they have! When we are younger, we think our input isn’t valuable because we don’t have the life experience. As we get older, we think our input isn’t valuable because we're “past our prime.” With age comes all of those lived experiences, which is priceless.
My Note to My Future Self
What I keep sitting with is Alicia’s micro-decision. That quote she carried:
Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.
Because so much of midlife is exactly that. Not the grand pivots or the dramatic reinventions, though those happen too. But the quieter, less visible courage of continuing. Of getting up. Of deciding that simply moving forward is a victory worth claiming.
I also loved her reframe around comparison. That friends may be grandparents by now, or retiring, or somewhere you thought you’d be and aren’t. And that measuring your season against someone else’s is a particular kind of self-cruelty we can choose to put down. Find comfort in your season. Learn its lessons. Set goals for the next one.
There is real wisdom in that. The unhurried, undefended kind.
And her boundary, still a work in progress at fifty-seven, and honest enough to say so, felt like a gift to every woman reading this who thought she should have it all figured out by now.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep going.
If you’re following along this week:
My Stop: Where am I still taking things personally that have nothing to do with me?
My Start: In what area of my life am I finally ready to choose my future, not just get through the present?
My Boundary: Where do I expect respect from others but quietly fail to expect it for myself?
My Micro-decision: Where do I need to remind myself that showing up today is enough?
My Practice: How can I protect my own kindness, without becoming a doormat, in a world that keeps testing it?
Journal prompt: Where in my life am I still waiting to feel enough before I allow myself to move forward? What would change if I decided I already was?
85 Weeks to Fifty is a series born from one woman walking herself towards fifty in the company of other women’s wisdom. If their stories are landing, if you’re finding yourself in their honesty, there is a space where this conversation continues, week by week, not just in interviews but in the deeper, more personal work of actually living this season differently.
The Midlife Circle is that space. Bi-weekly essays and The Midlife Edit, a private podcast, a Starter Library of tools, and a monthly personal video from me, from £19/month or £149/year.
And if you’re ready for the deepest layer, audio training, The Midlife Reset course, and four quarterly 1:1 calls with me, the Midlife Inner Circle is £297/year.
You don’t have to walk towards fifty alone. Come and do it properly.