There’s something especially powerful about a woman who has lived through heartbreak, held everyone else together, and still arrives in this chapter with her faith, her wisdom, and her sense of purpose intact.
That’s what stayed with me reading Dr Chonta Haynes. She speaks about this season as one of transition, and you can feel that in her answers. Not shakily or uncertainly, but in the way of a woman who knows she is still moving, still becoming, still being called into more. What I loved most here is that her answers hold both the tenderness and the truth of midlife. The grief of a marriage ending after almost 30 years. The quiet exhaustion of always picking up the pieces for everyone else, the growing refusal to keep rescuing grown adults from their own choices. And alongside all of that, a deep knowing: I am still here, I am still valuable, and I still have so much to give.
There’s no shrinking in these answers. No apologising for wisdom, no buying into the tired story that midlife is where women fade into the background. If anything, this feels like the opposite: a woman stepping more fully into her purpose, her peace, and her own authority.
What stayed with me most was her honesty around worth. That line about “realising that when your opinion is not valued, or your presence is not wanted, it reflects the other person’s inability to recognise your worth, but it does not devalue you” really landed. Because how many women spend years internalising rejection, dismissal, or disrespect as though it must mean something is lacking in them? There is such freedom in finally understanding otherwise.
I also felt the strength in what she says about money. That boundary matters, especially for women who have spent years being the fixer, the helper, the rescuer, the one who absorbs other people’s consequences in the name of love, loyalty, or responsibility. There comes a point where wisdom says no more, not from bitterness, but from self-respect.
And then there is the bigger truth running through all of this: that midlife is not where purpose ends, it is where it often sharpens. Where you stop waiting to be chosen, stop minimising your gifts, and start recognising that time is too precious to waste.
Who are you, and what season of life are you in?
I’m Dr Chonta Haynes, known as the Destiny Designer and Biblical Money Management expert. Professionally, I’ve been called the one-stop shop for faith-based authors, speakers and coaches ready to 5x their income and impact. Personally, I’m a woman of resilience and faith who has overcome much in life, yet I still expect to make a greater impact in serving those around me. This season of life is transitioning.
What surprised you most about your 50s?
What surprised me most is that I’m not looking old or feeling old like I thought. I think age is relative, and when we are young, 50 is when we put people in the old folks’ home. I will say I experienced heartbreak in my 50’s when I thought those days were over. My marriage ended after 29 years and 11 months. Just before turning 60.
One thing you’ve stopped doing (and you’re better for it):
I stopped always picking up the pieces for everyone else. This is a work in process. But owning my responsibility without needing others' approval is a blessing.
One thing you’re choosing instead:
At this stage, I’m choosing to prioritise myself. Peace is the goal, and really reflecting on all that I have accomplished while maintaining a bucket list. I gotta get to that list!!
One boundary you now honour, no apology:
My non-negotiable boundary is money. We all make financial mistakes, but adults have to own up to their own, and I am no longer the rescuer.
One micro-decision that changed everything:
My micro decision was to accept that when my opinion is valued, or my presence isn’t wanted, it reflects that the other person doesn't see my worth, but it doesn’t devalue me. I’ve learned to step into knowing my worth and then adding tax.
One practice that keeps you steady:
I play solitaire every night before going to bed. I also occasionally do word puzzles, but they ground me at the end of the day.
One belief about midlife you no longer subscribe to:
I don’t believe that we are done at midlife. I believe in many instances, we’ve only just begun to truly walk into our purpose. The catch is that we don’t have time to waste, so we need to get to it.
The best thing about being in your 50s:
The best thing about being in my now 60’s... I can say things from a place of wisdom and don’t need to apologise for it.
At 50+, I am…
At 50+, I am the highest expression of God’s divine genius, and I still have so much to give. I am making an impact and enjoying watching others become their unstoppable selves. And if I have anything to do with it... I’ll have a hand in that!
My Note to My Future Self
What I love about Chonta’s answers is that they remind me that midlife is not only a season of reflection, but of reclamation: reclaiming your worth, reclaiming your peace, reclaiming the energy you once spent rescuing, over-giving, or proving. There is something so powerful about a woman who has suffered, survived, and still believes there is more impact left in her. More purpose, more service, more life.
I think that’s one of the most beautiful truths of this season, not that heartbreak disappears, not that pain never comes, but that even after all of it, you can still know who you are. You can still honour your gifts, you can still become more of yourself, not less.
And maybe that is what real midlife power looks like: wisdom without apology, boundaries without guilt, purpose without delay.
If you’re following along this week
My Stop: Where am I still picking up the pieces for people who need to own their own choices?
My Start: What would it look like to prioritise my peace more intentionally now?
My Boundary: Where do I need to stop rescuing, especially around money, energy, or responsibility?
My Micro-decision: What would change if I fully believed that someone else’s failure to see my worth does not reduce it?
My Practice: What simple ritual helps me come back to myself at the end of the day?
Journal prompt: Where in my life am I being asked to stop apologising for my wisdom and step more fully into my purpose?
85 Weeks to Fifty is a series born from one woman walking herself towards fifty in the company of other women’s wisdom. If their stories are landing, if you’re finding yourself in their honesty, there is a space where this conversation continues, week by week, not just in interviews but in the deeper, more personal work of actually living this season differently.
The Midlife Circle is that space. Bi-weekly essays and The Midlife Edit, a private podcast, a Starter Library of tools, and a monthly personal video from me, from £19/month or £149/year.
And if you’re ready for the deepest layer, audio training, The Midlife Reset course, and four quarterly 1:1 calls with me, the Midlife Inner Circle is £297/year.
You don’t have to walk towards fifty alone. Come and do it properly.