Some women answer these questions in a way that feels deeply reflective, others answer them with a wink, a sharp truth, and just enough humour to make you laugh before the wisdom lands.
That’s what I loved about Femi Oke. She describes her life as though it were a TV show coming to the end of season five, heading towards the finale, with beloved characters, dramatic moments, and only she knowing who’ll be back for season six. Honestly, what a way to speak about midlife. It’s playful, yes, but also quietly profound, because by this stage of life, that really is part of the work, isn’t it? Deciding what comes with you, what doesn’t, and what kind of next season you actually want to make.
What stayed with me most in her answers is the mix of urgency, humour, practicality, and self-awareness. The realisation that fifty can bring a sharper sense of time. The shift from saying yes too easily to learning how to say no without guilt. The honesty about menopause, ageing parents, and the things women are still too often expected to navigate in silence. And then, right in the middle of it all, a perfectly timed answer about lubricant that made me smile because, frankly, midlife needs more of that kind of candour too. There’s wisdom here, but there’s life in it as well. And I think that matters.
What stayed with me was that line about suddenly feeling a sense of urgency in her fifties, which really stayed with me, because I think that’s something many women feel, even if we don’t always say it out loud. Not panic exactly, not regret, but more like an acute awareness that time is not abstract anymore. It becomes personal, tangible, and with that can come a deeper desire to focus, to procrastinate less, to stop acting as though there will always be another perfect moment waiting somewhere further down the line.
I also loved her honesty about the responsibilities that arrive in this season: menopause, caring for elderly parents, and the emotional load of holding life at both ends. These are real midlife experiences, and yet so many women still move through them feeling underprepared and strangely alone. Her refusal to subscribe to suffering in silence feels important. Necessary, even.
And then there’s the confidence piece. That deep self-knowing that can make this decade so powerful. Not because everything is sorted, but because you understand yourself better, you know your rhythms, you know your limits, you know when yes is real and when no is the wiser answer.
Also, the ‘keys’ line? Iconic.
Who are you, and what season of life are you in?
I'm Femi Oke, an entrepreneur, journalist, broadcaster and co-founder of the all-female global events company, Moderate The Panel. I'm coming to the end of Season 5. If my life were a TV show, we'd be heading towards the season finale. The characters are beloved, and there have been some dramatic moments, but only I know who'll be back for season 6.
What surprised you most about your 50s?
My attitude to being a fifty-something surprised me because I've always been comfortable and quite blasé about my age. When I turned fifty, I suddenly felt a sense of urgency regarding what I still wanted to do with my life. It's a slightly uncomfortable state of mind, but it's pushing me to procrastinate less and focus more, so I'm embracing it.
One thing you’ve stopped doing (and you’re better for it):
Staying up all night and taking a hot shower in the morning instead of getting a good night's sleep, because my to-do list is so long.
One thing you’re choosing instead:
Staying up just half the night and waking up early to work is much more productive for me.
One boundary you now honour, no apology:
As an optimist, saying yes comes easily to me. Now I'm learning to say no when appropriate and not feel bad about it.
One micro-decision that changed everything:
Buying lubricant :)
One practice that keeps you steady:
Checking in on family and friends.
One belief about midlife you no longer subscribe to:
I wish I'd been more prepared for the responsibilities and worries that come with caring for elderly parents and navigating menopause. Why don't we discuss these challenges more openly? I no longer subscribe to suffering in silence; there's power in community and learning from each other.
The best thing about being in your 50s:
The confidence that comes from knowing and understanding yourself.
At 50+, I am…
Choosing to identify as a 40+ woman, and will act accordingly.
This week, I want women turning 50 to remember:
This week, I want women turning 50 to remember where they left their keys.
My Note to My Future Self
What I love about Femi’s answers is that they remind me that midlife does not have to become unbearably serious to be meaningful.
Yes, there is depth here. Yes, there are real responsibilities and harder truths. But there is also wit, perspective, and the kind of confidence that lets a woman speak plainly about what works, what doesn’t, and what she’s no longer willing to keep quiet about.
I think that’s part of the beauty of this season, too. Not just becoming wiser, but becoming more honest, more humorous, more willing to say the thing, laugh at the thing, and tell the truth about the thing all at once, and maybe that’s its own kind of freedom.
If you’re following along this week
My Stop: Where am I still saying yes too quickly out of habit, optimism, or guilt?
My Start: What would it look like to focus more clearly on what I still want from this chapter?
My Boundary: Where do I need to let no be a complete sentence?
My Micro-decision: What one small practical choice could improve my quality of life right now?
My Practice: Who do I need to check in on, or let check in on me, this week?
Journal prompt: If my life were a series, what would I want the next season to feel like, and who or what is definitely not being renewed?**
If you’d like to be part of the ‘85 Weeks to Fifty' series, or you know a woman whose voice would feel like medicine here, email me at hello@kiransinghuk.com. And if you’re reading this thinking, same, tell me in the comments: What is your takeaway from this interview?
Yes, especially the 40+ and where you left your keys. It's not just humorous, it's a real survival issue. You find yourself in your It's, faults and all. That's okay, though, because you also have the wisdom to embrace it warmly. She seems wonderful!