There are not many men who would call themselves Mr Menopause. And that, honestly, is exactly why I wanted Tafiq Akhir in this series.
Menopause specialist, healthy ageing advocate, former professional dancer, and a man who has spent years showing up in a space that most men quietly leave to women, because he understood, long before it was fashionable to say so, that menopause is not just a woman’s issue. It is a human one. A relational one. And the more people who understand it, the better it goes for everyone.
What I didn’t expect from Tafiq’s answers was their vulnerability. Here is a man who specialises in hormonal transitions for women, and who was completely blindsided by his own. Andropause arrived after fifty, quietly and uninvited, and caught him entirely off guard. Despite everything he knows. Despite years of expertise. Despite being professionally the person other people turn to when their hormones stop making sense.
I love that he shared that, because it’s such a human thing. We can hold enormous knowledge and wisdom in one area of our lives and still be ambushed by our own biology.
What also stayed with me is the arc of Tafiq’s life, the sheer audacity of it. Moving to Florida before he had anywhere to live. Packing up his car and driving across the country to California to pursue a dance career before he had a job or a place to sleep. He describes himself as a big jumper and a believer in himself, and you can feel that in every answer. There is no smallness in how this man has moved through the world.
And yet, at fifty-plus, what he is quietly enjoying most is being alone.
That felt important to share.
Who are you, and what chapter are you in right now?
I am Tafiq Akhir. My professional name is Mr Menopause. I’m in the chapter of life where I’m growing and expanding my message, my brand, and my quality of life.
What caught you off guard about your 50s?
Andropause caught me off guard after 50. Although I specialise in menopause health for women, I was not prepared for the male version since such a small percentage of men get it. I did not even consider I’d be in that 3 to 5% that experience it. Extremely caught off guard.
One thing you’ve walked away from, and don’t miss:
The main thing I walked away from was working to fulfil someone else’s dreams.
One thing you’ve chosen in its place:
Becoming my own boss to focus on fulfilling my dreams.
One line you no longer cross, or let others cross:
I used to offer unsolicited health and wellness advice. I no longer cross that line, as I learned many people don’t appreciate or value it.
One small decision that shifted more than you expected:
Small decisions never did much for me. I think I’ve always made big decisions that shifted things for me. From high school all the way through to young adulthood. Moving to Florida for a new job before I even had anywhere to live. Then, doing a similar thing years later when I packed up my car and drove across the country from Florida to California to pursue a professional dance career, before having a job or a place to live. I’ve always been a big jumper and believer in myself.
One thing that keeps you grounded:
My upbringing keeps me grounded. I’m forever grateful for the foundation my mom and godmother instilled in me. A saying I heard throughout my childhood was “It’s just nice to be nice.” And that was instilled in us, along with humility and service.
One story about midlife you’ve stopped telling yourself:
As a menopause and healthy ageing specialist, I understand and appreciate the changes our bodies go through during midlife, so there’s nothing I’ve told myself that needs to be stopped. I believe in learning to work with your body rather than fighting it.
The thing no one told you you’d actually enjoy about your 50s:
I did not realise how much I’d enjoy my alone time. I was always the person who entertained and did things. Although I still enjoy hanging out with friends, I really enjoy my alone time now.
Complete this: At 50+, I am…
... more comfortable and secure with who I am than I have ever been. If I had cared less about what peers, clients, and people in general thought of me, or even what I perceived people thought of me, I probably would have gotten farther in my career faster. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and that it took the time it needed for me.
My Note to My Future Self
What I keep thinking about is Tafiq’s closing reflection, that if he had cared less, earlier, about what people thought of him, he might have gotten further faster. And then, in almost the same breath, the acceptance that it took the time it needed to take.
That is such a graceful place to arrive at. Not bitterness. Not regret. Just a clear-eyed understanding that the path was the path, and that everything unfolded in its own necessary order.
I also loved what he said about unsolicited advice. That he used to offer it freely, and learned, the way most of us learn, that wisdom shared without invitation rarely lands. There is real maturity in that shift. In holding what you know with more gentleness. In waiting to be asked.
And his grounding principle, carried from childhood: “It’s just nice to be nice”. Simple. Unfashionable in a world that rewards edge and disruption. And, I think, quietly radical.
Kindness, as a lifelong practice, not weakness, not naivety, but a genuine orientation toward the world, is one of the most underrated things a person can choose to build their life around.
Tafiq has built his around that. And around service. And around the belief that working with your body, rather than fighting it, is where the real intelligence lives.
I think we could all borrow a little of that.
If you’re following along this week:
My Stop: Where am I still offering my wisdom, energy, or opinion where it hasn’t been invited?
My Start: Where have I been fulfilling someone else’s dream at the expense of my own?
My Boundary: What would change if I stopped measuring my progress against where I thought I’d be by now?
My Micro-decision: Am I working with my body right now, or quietly at war with it?
My Practice: Where in my life could I simply be nicer to others, and to myself?
Journal prompt: What would I have done sooner if I’d cared a little less about what people thought? And is it too late to begin it now?
Tafiq has never been one for small, timid steps, and this position paper feels like another big, necessary jump. It is a powerful reminder that women shouldn’t have to navigate medical complexities or evaluate life-altering care options in the dark. Foundation, context, and clear education shouldn’t be a luxury we stumble upon after years of uncertainty; they are the essential groundwork for informed, confident care. By making education non-negotiable, Tafiq isn’t replacing medical advice; he is handing women the tools to ask better questions, communicate their needs, and take full agency over their health and bodies. You can dive into the first paper of his series, Menopause Education Before Intervention: Why Foundational Knowledge Is Essential to Informed Care, here.
85 Weeks to Fifty is a series born from one woman walking herself towards fifty in the company of other women’s wisdom. If their stories are landing, if you’re finding yourself in their honesty, there is a space where this conversation continues, week by week, not just in interviews but in the deeper, more personal work of actually living this season differently.