I woke up before the sun this morning. The moon was still out, hanging low in the quiet sky, and the cool mountain breeze slipped through the open window like a whisper.
I stayed in bed longer than usual, dozing in and out, not quite ready to open my energy to the world, even the online one. I’ve only seen three people in nine days here, and truthfully, I’ve needed the solitude.
Today, I felt soft. Quiet. Deeply feminine.
And it made me reflect on something I haven’t said out loud until now:
I’ve missed him.
Not a man.
Me.
Or more specifically, the masculine part of me. The part I’d buried under rose petals and chai.
During my time here at the cabin, I’ve been exploring the dance between my inner feminine and masculine, the energies that live within all of us.
READ MORE: The Dance Between My Light, Dark, and Doing
The feminine is soft. She receives, creates, nurtures, and feels. She moves slowly and exists in the space of being.
The masculine is structured. He gets things done. He holds space. He protects. He decides.
Over the last couple of months, I leaned hard into my feminine. After years of doing, pushing, fixing, I needed to surrender, to rest, to flow. And I did.
But this morning, I realised something:
I miss the part of me that got sh*t done. The version of me who made decisions quickly, led with certainty, sorted things, took charge, not for the world, but for me.
He wasn’t perfect. He was reckless sometimes. But he made me feel safe, confident, certain.
And I realise now:
I don’t want to get rid of him. I want to integrate him.
Because I don’t need to choose between softness and strength.
I am both.
This is what midlife has taught me: not to exile parts of myself, but to call them home.
To let the feminine rest in the arms of the masculine.
To let him make decisions, while she holds the vision.
I am the fire and the ocean. The structure and the softness.
I am, and always have been, whole.
Journaling Prompt:
Which part of you have you exiled, the soft one or the strong one? What would it look like to welcome them home?
Inspired Call-to-Action:
Today, honour both energies within you. Do something nurturing… and something decisive. Let them work together.
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